So maybe it’s just me, but it seems another chapter in a very good story has ended.
P.p.s I've been using Jaspal Bhatti's "Hit and Trial Hospital" joke as mine for 10 years now. 9/10 would do it again.
As a mother, you’ve given me life. You’ve taught me to walk; read and eat with my own hands. You’ve halted your life so I may have mine. You’ve loved me without question. And you’ve hurt as I have, when I have. So much more when I seemed to flunk Sanskrit for no good reason.
As a sister, you’ve laughed with me; and you’ve laughed at me. You’ve conspired with me against enemies whose existence you took at my word. You’ve tried your level best to understand why Barbies were monstrous villains for them GI Joes. And you’ve listened patiently to me go on about nothing at all when I was hurt. (“Bhaiyya, you’re crazy”). Or when I was stupid (“Bhaiyya, you’re crazy”).
As a lover, you’ve taught me to need. To dream. You’ve taught me patience and the near infinite comfort of having someone caress your hair. You’ve laughed at all my jokes. You've smiled extra hard when I somehow fixed your computer. And you’ve given me reason to feel; to lose myself to that feeling.
Today, people will talk about how far women have come in terms of economics, suffrage and leadership. And that is great, even if only for how inevitable it was. Today, in some measure, the equality of the sexes will be discussed. But see, men and women aren’t created equal. Women are necessarily greater.
As women, all of you have come long measurable distances. As people who’ve defined my life, as the essays in strength, compassion and sacrifice that you are, that pales in comparison.
So yeah, I’ll make you that sandwich. And you can nag me about how I forgot to put enough mayonnaise in it.
When they’re not busy fighting the trials and travails of having an enlarged prostate and/or stealing from us, the people who run this nation like to spend some time reminding us of the relevance they have in our lives.
Usually it’s something benign. “I was streaming that porn and so I didn’t actually have it on my phone and INDIA NEEDS FASTER INTERNETZ LOL” or “Oh this money? Well, my ancestors were all oppressed and I’m taking it to increase their pride in our caste/religion/pony breeding club”. Of course, sometimes they’ll take it a step further and tell us who to hate.
Now don’t get me wrong… I’m all for a little unmitigated hate without reason or justification. All you have to do is say “Salman Khan superstar” and I’ll get an enraged stick-figure mob to eat the entirety of all the Pizza in your locality, come over to your place and offer to treat you to lunch. JUST to watch you dissolve into a puddle of tears.
However, I do tend to have a problem with the fact that the reason for why we should hate a lot of things is usually no different from “This is wrong because we don’t do this. We don’t do this because this is wrong”.
A prime example of this is homosexuality. Let me not mince words here. This is an entire group of people who are “going to destroy society as we know it” because... um… well… they're using the wrong holes?
One, this is an issue of individual liberty. If the Government allows itself to decide what consenting adults do without affecting anyone else, where does it stop?
And Two, this has been made an issue of morality. What has been left out is whose fucking morality it is that we're talking about.
Is it a) the morality of some religion that we must respect because of “religious freedom”? That being the case I’d like to petition that everyone in India wear sequins on Saturdays because otherwise, our true lord the Flying Spaghetti Monster can’t see us properly owing to his divine Myopia.
Perhaps this is a more mainstream religion. One that ensures people who don’t conform to certain rules are hated and ostracized. More so, made to hate their own selves. Yeah. That morality. Got'cha.
Or is it b) the morality of the public at large? This would make more sense because laws have are defined by what people feel is right. For example, it is no longer legal to ensure a woman’s undying love in return for 10 cows and one wooden cart. I’ve checked. (Bitch)
But even in this case, those in power are woefully out of touch with the realities that surround us today. People are not dying, starving or unhappy because certain men know more than one use for glitter. They’re dying because someone is too friggin’ incompetent to do their job.
History is witness to the fact that whenever someone has had to justify something vile and despicable, he or she has done it in the name of morality. That this clause is invoked whenever some old dude who hasn't gotten laid in sometime suddenly decides he doesn't like how other people are trying to be happy.
The question that needs to be asked then, is simply this… is someone threatening national security, beating up helpless people and completely without a sense of right and wrong because they like someone with the same genitals?
Of course, since all rants worth their vitriol are incomplete without atleast one Godwin:
“We want to burn out all the recent immoral developments in literature, in the theater, and in the press - in short, we want to burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of liberal excess during the past ... (few) years.” – Adolf Hitler.
In conclusion, when the Home Ministry talks about protecting society, they should first think about not letting us die in terror strikes instead of declaring a profound jealousy for the happiness of certain people who have awesome taste in clothing.
And that people who hide behind words like “culture” and “morality” to justify their bigotry and ignorance should be slapped across the face with a large rubber dildo.